Let’s be Selfish

We’re selfish, let’s accept it

Many of us are raised with the ingrained belief that selfishness carries a negative connotation, though it unquestionably can, we often misconstrue the notion that centering one's focus on the self equates to selfishness. I hold a different perspective. Using myself as a not-so-favorable example; I once subscribed to the idea that prioritizing the happiness of others over my own would elevate me above selfishness, inherently making me a "better person" than if I were to prioritize my own needs.

However, this perspective couldn't be further from the truth. This is primarily because humans are inherently self-centered. My desire to be selfless was driven by the need to perceive myself as a virtuous individual, with placing others above myself as a means to personal fulfillment – an inherently selfish pursuit.

Paradoxically, I believe this holds true for many acts of benevolence; people engage in good deeds to feel better about themselves. This isn't necessarily tainted; it may be an inherent truth of life. Doing good feels good, and there's no inherent wrongdoing in that. Although motives can vary widely, there is almost always an underlying current of "self" in any action, whether it is good or bad.

I contend that if we were all to acknowledge our innate selfishness and authentically express our true needs, it would undoubtedly lead to greater fulfillment in our lives. We expend an excessive amount of energy focusing on others, diverting attention from the profound impact we can have – both on ourselves and on others.

Why the compulsion to align our opinions with others?

This tendency is especially evident in our relationships, and I am willing to candidly expose my own behavior to make a point. I used to be exceedingly eager to befriend everyone. If I perceived someone's opinions differed from mine, I might adjust my own belief system to align more closely with theirs, seeking common ground in order to gain their friendship. What I failed to realize was that every instance in which I tailored my perspective to match someone else's, even when it contradicted my own beliefs, resulted in a forfeiture of my authenticity and truth.

Genuine friends embrace our differences and idiosyncrasies. When differences arise, they serve as opportunities to learn more about the other person and about ourselves, fostering a relationship grounded in mutual respect and an understanding of authenticity.

“So, how does this connect with focusing on myself?”

Any instance in which we alter or compromise our own beliefs to conform to another's, we invest more of our energy in that person than in ourselves. I consider this to be a perilous endeavor, one that muddles our sense of identity. Entrusting our fulfillment and responsibility to another is a recipe for perpetual disappointment, as it is outside our control and consigns us to a reactive rather than a creative stance.

Diverting energy to the wrong things

I will shine the light on my unfavorable thought patterns once again to elucidate this concept. Lately, I have been immersed in numerous projects and aspire to transition to a different role within my company. Given that the position I seek is an internal one, I possess some knowledge of potential competitors. For a brief and somewhat devious moment, I contemplated the idea of investigating my competition to secure the position. Yet, this would prove utterly futile.

What benefit is there in acquiring more knowledge about the other candidates? Particularly in the context of an interview, these factors lie entirely beyond my influence. I won't be part of their experiences, nor will they be a part of mine. Every moment spent fixating on perceived competition is a moment better devoted to preparing myself. This is the overarching perspective we should adopt regarding life as a whole.

What about the competition?

There is no real competition. We are here to nurture our own growth. Life offers boundless opportunities, and accepting that each challenge presented has the potential to foster personal development, regardless of the outcome, opens us up to greater possibilities. Another circumstance will inevitably surface, and we will acquire more wisdom in that context.

To summarize, why clutch tightly to ideas, people, and circumstances that lie beyond our control? By keeping the focus on ourselves, our authenticity and growth can flourish without constraints, thus enabling us to make a far more substantial impact than dwelling in the shadow of fear and hope for acceptance. Embrace the freedom.

Thank you so much for reading. Like much of my writing, I put this here as food for thought. Hopefully this provokes some thought and at best, ignites a fire for creativity and movement. I value you as a reader for taking the time out of your day, as I know reading a novice article is typically not number one on many of our lists. Wishing you well.